A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

and MY Personal Favorite!!
WRINKLES:

*       *       *       *
HOROSCOPE INTRODUCTION
You ARE THE STAR IN YOUR LIFE
As you learn more about yourself, you become better able to use wisely not just a few but all the opportunities and energies in your life. For over 3,000 years, astrology has been the sharpest tool used to describing our human condition. In almost every culture on planet earth, astrology continues to illuminate where the links are between individual lives and planetary energies that cyclically effect us.
The purpose of using such information helps you each take a more active role in creating your present and, by extension, your future as it shows how to apply ancient wisdom to today's world.
Your aim is to facilitate your day-to-day Journey by revealing turns in the road of life then describing the best ways for you to navigate them.
Highest use of Astrology is to enable you to garner more knowledge about yourself as well as perspective of the ways you view your surroundings.
It is common to go through life feeling blown about by forces beyond your control. Astrology can help you see the changing tides inside and on the outside of your life. This allowing you ability to recognize shifting patterns, alter moods and circumstances in your life.
That helps you to stay centered. Doing so empowers you. As you move forward with new strength and assurance you grow to better understand your own needs. This more clearly defines challenges as well as real opportunities you encounter. It is most important that you come to see the difference.
2009 monthly Astrology Guide describes patterns of your life as they are reflected in the great cycles of the sky above. It does not simply predict events, it will illuminate examples of them.
Reporting planetary energies-the cosmic weather in which you are living-allows you to understand conditions and thus use this knowledge to become more life-effective.
Power however, is not in the stars, of course, but in your mind, your heart, and choices you make every day. Regardless of how mildly or harshly winds of change batter you, with knowledge to serve as your buffer, you are strengthened. Your mind will have many ways of viewing any given situation.
Learning about energies of the Sun, Moon, and our universal planets both widens and sharpens your own perspective. Thousands of years of human experience have proven astrology's value.
The purpose here is to help you find ways to enrich your life with it.

*         *         *         *
LUCKY MOLLY

She's a grey speckled pony, abandoned by her owners in Louisiana. 

She spent weeks on her own, then was taken to a farm where abandoned animals were stockpiled.
            While there, Molly was attacked by a pit bull, she almost died.  Her gnawed right front leg became infected, her vet went to LSU for help, but LSU was overwhelmed, and this pony was a welfare case. 
You know how that goes.

But surgeon Rustin Moore met Molly, she changed his mind.  He saw how the pony was careful to lie down on different sides so she didn't seem to get sores, and how she allowed people to handle her.

She was smart, she protected her injured leg, constantly shifted her weight so as to not overload her good leg. 

Molly was a smart pony with a serious survival ethic.

Moore agreed to remove her leg below the knee.
Then a temporary artificial limb was built. Molly walked out of the clinic.

Her story truly begins there.

"This was the right horse and the right owner"' Moore declared. "Molly happened to be a one-in-a-million patient.  She's tough as nails, and sweet, and she was willing to cope with pain.
 
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She made it obvious she understood that she was in trouble.  The other important factor, according to Moore , is having a truly committed and compliant owner who is dedicated to providing daily care required over the lifetime of the horse.

Molly's story turns into a parable for life.  The little pony gained weight, and her mane grew enough to now be combed, a human prosthesis designer built her a leg.

This prosthetic has given Molly a whole new life, Allison Barca DVM, Molly's regular vet, reports.
 
And she asks for it.  She will put her little limb out as if to wave when asked, come to you to let you know that she wants 
you to put it on.  Sometimes she wants you to take it off, too. 
And sometimes, Molly gets away from Barca.  "It can be pretty bad when you can't catch a three-legged horse," Dr. Allison Barca laughs.

Most important of all, Molly has a job now.  Kay, the rescue farm owner, started taking Molly to shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, and rehabilitation centers.  Anywhere she thought people need hope. 
Everywhere Molly goes she shows people her pluck.  She inspired people, and she had a good time doing it.

"It was obvious to me that Molly had a bigger role to play in life" Moore said.  'She survived a hurricane, she survived a horrible attack, life-threatening injury, and now she is giving hope to others."
 
Molly is not back to normal, yet, but she's going to be better.  The pony represents hope, she is a live, standing symbol of "Never Give Up."